Taking your breath away with every passing... pass.

Have you ever had a dream, a dream so beautiful that you wake up wanting to go back to sleep, relive it in your slumber, hoping it will last just another 5 minutes just so you can soak in the moment and let it set for a bit?

Have you ever had a dream, a dream so petrifying you awake choking and stifling back tears thankful that the tragedy is over, so much so that gratitude takes over and reminds you what a blessed life you have?

I have, I've been through both. To be honest I wouldn't mind going to sleep tonight to re-dream either one of those kinds of dreams because a dream is always just going to be a dream, never permanent. At most the only way it could affect you in reality would be to open your eyes to something you've neglected way back at the last visible stretch of land on the horizon of your mind. You'll never have to worry about the boogeyman breaking his way out of your mind to torment you in real life, nor can you hope for her to still be there, lying next to you when you realize you've opened your eyes.

Now, how I wish that could happen. If only I could open my eyes and all of this would fade away, into a distant part of my brain, as a memory, one I would hold firmly as a sworn enemy with my grip firmly around it's neck to make sure it never comes anywhere near me, never giving it the opportunity to be a part of my reality. But that isn't the case. I'm bound to it now, and I will no longer be free of it. I will no longer go on in life without being reminded of its very presence, lingering like a foreboding shadow hung over my head and casting its silhouette making sure the future is never as bright as it once could have been.

It looks like I'll never be physically capable of playing anymore, not without suffering the consequences, which to be honest, seem to get harder and harder to live with every passing moment. My passion is but a distant memory. One that if by some miracle, I would not be able to find again. Life is hollow now, there isn't anything worth living for at the moment and I've only myself to blame for it. For now, it's goodbye. I promise I won't forget the feeling I used to have. That feeling of breaking free from the daily shackles of life.

I'm all alone now.

More than I could ever feel.

All I want is to play football.

Is that so much to ask?