Truth #1 We don't always get the rub of the green
Truth #2 Life goes on with or without us
Truth #3 All things, good or bad, have an end
The loss of something important, like that time I had a level 97 Pikachu and left my cartridge inside the pocket of my pants. Or the time I dropped that bottle of coloured sand from Dubai with your name in it. Meant to give it to you the next day but in the midst of reading your name over and over in my palm, my fingers decided to adopt a klutzy nature. What about that time I misplaced all my birthday money. All gone, not to forget the pain that came with each and every one of these events. Heartache is something easily obtained, hard to lose, harder than losing any of the other things I've said. The list of things I regret would be never ending. But I guess I wouldn't have it any other way considering it's made me much more aware and thankful for the things I have. One thing about being hit over and over, sooner or later, you get used to it. So the hurt is less, the guilt is just as much, but you tend to grasp the fact that it's gone and live with the outcome much faster than you last did. I'm not saying I don't care anymore, I'm saying God has His ways and His wills. So if He wills it, so be it. Nothing I can do but let go and not live in the past, for what's done is done.
If we choose to live in the past, moan and whine about what we've lost, what we didn't deserve to happen to us, most probably nothing's going to come of it. Besides, as someone wiser than I am once said, "We shouldn't want pity from humans. We shouldn't want leeway or the benefit of the doubt of a man. Why would we ever want those things when God's is so much easier to get and so much more precious. The sad thing is, we only realize that when we don't get things our way." If you ask me, what's sadder still is someone who still doesn't see it when they don't get their way but just want more of mortal sympathy. Pathetic if you ask me. I'm not saying I've never wanted it, nor do I not want it anymore, I'm still human, I make mistakes, I have shortcomings, but I'm working on it. I still need that shoulder to lean on, I need your ear to listen sometimes because I'm human.
What motivated me to post tonight was the realization that in the coming months, I'm bound to lose some things. One thing I know I'm going to lose is the chance to travel with GA for the UK tour. I'm not mad about it because it just so happens that the Ministry of Education in Malaysia schedules SPM examinations at that time of the year. Nothing I can do to change it. Nor can I request Coach to move the dates so that they meet my requirements. That's selfish and unfair for the others, so I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'm going to miss out on another GA trip. I don't mind the thought of giving up my spot on the team for someone else, honestly I'm fine with that, what bothers me is missing the chance to be with the team. Last year, I heard news GA would be planning a tour to the UK. It didn't happen last year because 1) honestly, the squad was too small ; and 2) we weren't that good anyways. This year though, I guess I'll be sitting in that examination hall with thoughts of them taking off from KLIA in the back of my head as I try to concentrate on the piece of paper in front of my own eyes.
By the time next year comes around, I've got to start thinking about my future, seriously this time. So I guess I have to say goodbye, Goal. Not just yet, but I'm preparing myself for the inevitable. So it doesn't have to hurt as much as it does now.
Truth #4 I hate saying goodbye.
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