2010s 19 May isn't as 19 May after all.

Hello blog. It’s been a while since I put my thoughts into words. Mostly because of the constantly bumper to bumper schedule and also for the spikes in internet connection that make writing for long periods very tedious. This time I’ve let myself off the hook and taking a respite from life, for a moment. It’s the 20^th of May today and yesterday may have been one of the most depressing days I’ve ever had, let alone birthdays.

It didn’t help that we’re sandwiched in between midterms, well, at least it was English, that was as good as it was going to get. A little tiny consolation from God seeing as everything else just had to drop like a colossal dark cloud of gloom, around me. I learned that Football Focus has come to an end. I hear you ask, “For this season?”. I wish. After 9 years of production, numerous guest panelists and countless arguments between the old chaps it has come to an end.

No more, sitting back in that sofa on a Tuesday night just waiting for it to be 8 (Or 11 for the replays)

No more, savoring the knowledge and analysis.

No more, pointing out to myself how often Shebby uses the phrase, “Very much so, John.”

No more, enjoying the intuitive view on everything football.

No more....

No more.

What saddens me further is that I can remember what it felt like to watch these 5 old men argue amongst one another back when I was still in that single storey house at number 4. I practically grew up learning about football by watching these guys. The show started about the same time I picked up interest in football, 2001. If I’m not mistaken that is, yes, standard 2, 2001 right? Most of what I know, how I look at football, my thoughts on the beautiful game all branched from this show. It just feels very disheartening to know I will never be able to watch them again. I do hope they come back one day to continue because this show wasn’t only entertaining, it was educational, it was a forum for crying out loud. The only one I’ll ever take interest in and listen attentively, more so than I do in class, admittedly. To hell with those other footy shows, Four Four Two? Football Crazy? Yeah, enjoyable for some but I love the very wise manner Focus goes on about things in the footballing world.

....

....

Enough about that, despite that being most of my childhood gone along with the ‘teacher’ who taught me ‘football politics’, it wasn’t the worst news of all. Of all the days in the 365 day long calendar, Cesc Fabregas chooses to tell Arsene Wenger that he wants to move on from Arsenal on the eve of my birthday. So by the time news hits stands and word gets out, yes, it is my birthday. For the rest of my life 19 of May will forever be the day ‘Fab returns home’. If and only if he does choose to move in the coming summer. Personally, I feel that he should be given his freedom. He has served Arsenal well, and although it would kill me to see him leave, he will forever be a Gooner. I still remember my first time watching him play. I was in London with my family. We were visiting my dad who had been in France for a month for a course. So we decided to spend a week in London when he was done.

It was about 11pm there and I was alone in the lounge of our apartment. Everyone was asleep from jetlag but I wasn’t. That’s when I turned on the tele to find an Arsenal game starting. It was against Manchester City in 2004 I think. The Carling Cup. I looked at the Arsenal team sheet to see alien names. I still remember the team. After 6 years.

Manuel Almunia, Emmanuel Eboue, Phillipe Senderos, Johan Djourou, Gael Clichy, Jermaine Pennant, Cesc Fabregas, Mathieu Flamini, Robin Van Persie, Daniel Karbasyoon, Arturo Lupoli.

On the subs bench, the only name I can recall is Quincy Owusu Abeyie. Arsenal played a 442 formation with RVP on the left wing. Everyone else lined up in order as above, GK, RB to LB, RM to LM and the two forwards. It was strange watching this new young Arsenal. No Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira, Robert Pires, Freddie Ljunberg, Jose Antonio Reyes, Gilberto Silva, Ray Parlour, Sol Campbell, Ashley Cole, Lauren, Kolo Toure or Jens Lehmann.

It was mesmerizing watching them play for the first time of my life. I forgot who scored the first goal, but I vividly remember Fabregas holding possession of the ball on the edge of the 18 yard box, waiting for the perfect moment to thread the ball for the perfect opportunity. He delayed and delayed and delayed until he thought it was right to play the ball in behind the opposing right back for an on running Daniel Karbasyoon who finished clinically to give the new generation Arsenal a comfortable Two-Nil lead against a first team ManC. Eventually, City did pull a goal back from a Robbie Fowler freekick, which was lucky since his slip right before striking the ball made it swerve down with topspin. From then on, I promised myself then and there, I would whole heartedly support this Arsenal team to the day I die or when beautiful football is no longer the priority of utmost importance.

6 years on, 6 (Including Fabregas) of those 12 players I mentioned are still plying their trade at the club. Full senior team members despite some may be under fire for lacklustre performances. 1 year ago there were 7 of them. 3 years ago there were 9. It seems that they are starting to break apart now. Almunia has certainly gone backwards in terms of progress. Eboue has resurrected his career somewhat. Senderos moved to Everton during January, pity him, he had so much potential. Pennant playing somewhere in Spain. Good for him being one of the very few Englishmen to be playing in a foreign country. Flamini is at AC Milan, still impressive as before. As for Karbasyoon and Lupoli, I have no idea of their whereabouts. Clichy, Djourou, Fabregas and Van Persie are all practically first 11 players (besides Djourou). Fabregas was the core of that team, if he leaves, it would mean the end of another young team that had so much potential.

Moving on... does it ever happen to you? Do you ever get those moods that make everything else seem quite blunt? I had that on the night of the 19^th. It’s strange when you feel down and very subdued when there’s nothing that logically, supposed to bring you down. Not as if someone died. Not as if you’ve been hit by a crisis. Not as if you’re suffering from any dilemma. I have no way of explaining this other than that I’m being rather selfish and just caught up with things I’m not supposed to let bother me. Most of the time I deal with this by just sleeping. Waking up after even half an hour of snoozing just makes things back to normal. Like a reset button on everything I'm feeling. But this morning I woke up with as much of the crappy feeling within me if not more of it. Blame the damned dreams. Enough for now, I've gone on longer than expected. Until next time, blog.